When Baa-Baa was at Kazbah
playing with Fearne Cotton.
Fearne, played out,
watched while Baa-Baa made out
with that skinny telly bint Trinny.
Skinny Trinny was a fashionless victim
but when Jezza Clarkless said so she kicked him
and then along came the cops and, rightly, they nicked him.
Delightful Queen Betty, sat on the jetty, said to her officer, petty:
“One wonders which one won one of the wonderful wonders?”
to which he replied “T’was the blue-haired, blonde-eyed boundah!”
Then came Big Brother and shot his fat mother,
and said “There will be no other
Mother like you, who I should very much like to smother!”
And News of the World, as the story unfurled
was primed when the lies began to be hurled!
Lies of such order their little toes curled, and it was plain they’d have to be pearled!
At last out came my tongue-twisted sister, sporting a blister
from a fight – a two-fister, with a dirty little mister
although that’s a lie – he doesn’t exist…er…