To my sister:
Mike asked me tonight if I was serious about this house, and I told him, that serious is not even half of the story – I have a plan in place that I am working, because that house was built for me, for my family and friends to come and be loved in, to feel at peace in, to take some time out from the world to be at peace with themselves in, to energise, to reinvigorate, to ponder, to sit and just BE, in a world that is spinning faster and faster each day.
That house, Lynnie, is OUR house. I don’t have children, nor do I want any, but I have family, and that house is for all of us, any time, anywhen, forever. I KNOW it.
My books are going to make enough money so I can buy it – nothing lavish, though it is R10-million, I am not buying a fancy car, nor fancy clothes, nor having a team of servants. I love that house, and I will tend to it and look after it and love it as hard as I can for as long as I can, and then hand it over to the next family member, who will do the same. I will live out my days in that house, and if my soul insists on staying Earth-bound when I die, THAT is where it will be, and it will be a soul at peace, because – and here’s the beautiful thing – the strange thing, the thing I never thought I’d ever experience in this life: there is PEACE – not a lot, just a little, but there are moments where I can sit, and the screaming stops, inside me. The pain and the shame are stilled, and I am left with silence, and humility, and peace. And it’s getting stronger, little by little, day by day. By the time you see me again, I will be able to look you in the eye, and there will be only the peace in you, reflected.
I love you my sister, and I know that I had to do this, I had to be an addict, for 18 years, and survive the machinations of my own hand, and take my family on a journey through hell, and out the other side, so that we can ALL know peace.
Do you know, Mom, has left me for good? Her soul has moved on? I can’t feel her anymore, but now I don’t feel her anguish, either. I don’t think it is the same for all of us, but I think what she came to teach me, I am starting to be able to learn, by myself, her task with me is done, and she has moved on. She is not part of my soul group. You and Don are, very much so, and I think I’ve met another ‘aware’ soul, though I don’t think he’s part of our soul group either, but that means there are four of us, that know, and I know three of you. My journey is becoming more defined, my goals more attainable, the lessons more valid, and obvious. And that means, my angel sister, that I am not long for this world. That means that I will be able to move on, not by my own hand as has ALWAYS been the plan I had, or by any other external evil, but at the right time, be it in ten years (and no sooner) or in twenty or forty – but my soul’s destiny is at hand – I am living it, I am owning it, and I am growing because of it, and the new challenges are being forged by the universe, for my soul to learn in the next life.
Because I have let God back into my life.
And where my soul goes, He guides, and where my soul goes, it is with yours. Forever.
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