Personal Inventory

Tonight, the group meeting was painful. I had to confess I’d fallen off the wagon. The compassion I felt from everyone was tangible. So was the disappointment.

I came away hopeful, and with a daily inventory, of liabilities and assets found within my character, that I need to explore, more fully, over the next few days.

In a nutshell, they are this: liabilities that will prevent me from healing from the addiction are, quite simply:

  1. Isolation
  2. Self-pity
  3. Depression
  4. Self-justification
  5. Self-importance
  6. Self-condemnation
  7. Dishonesty
  8. Impatience
  9. Avoidance
  10. Hate
  11. Reacting
  12. Resentment
  13. False pride
  14. Envy
  15. Laziness
  16. Procrastination
  17. Insincerity
  18. People-pleasing
  19. Negative thinking
  20. Vulgar, immoral thinking
  21. Criticising
  22. Unbelief
  23. Worrying
  24. Giving up
  25. Half measures
  26. Complacency
  27. Compliance.

They may seem a little odd, and to be honest, I need to explore them individually, to make sure they are named properly here. This is not an exclusive list, but it is comprehensive.

As I explore these liabilities over the next few days, it may be easier to understand each when seen in light of its opposite number, in my list of assets, those things that will help me come back to life:

  1. Seek support
  2. Self-forgetfulness
  3. Gratitude
  4. Humility
  5. Modesty
  6. Self-esteem
  7. Honesty
  8. Patience
  9. Dealing
  10. Love
  11. Responding
  12. Forgiveness
  13. Simplicity
  14. Generosity
  15. Activity
  16. Promptness
  17. Straight-forwardness
  18. Assertiveness
  19. Positive thinking
  20. Spiritual, clean thinking
  21. Look for the good.
  22. Faith
  23. Trust
  24. Determination
  25. Full measure
  26. Realisation
  27. Commitment.

 This is a lot to take in, daily. I expect it will be tough, at first, even overwhelming. I expect I will be able to master it. In fact, I’m going to fight, to do just that!

© 2012. All Rights Reserved.


      1. Thanks. Yeah, in my experience you have to walk that fine line of nurturing yourself while at the same time being tough enough on yourself, to know when you are justifying using again. It’s VERY easy to either give in and fall off the wagon, and just as easy to beat yourself up about it, and neither way helps any. Good luck!

  1. Reblogged this on mypiercingtale and commented:
    I really loved this – not that Dave fell off the wagon, just how positive he was about the mistake and what he needed to do to stay on track and do it better next time. J is always a classic example of the characteristics in the liabilities list when he falls off. It is really debilitating and hinders any progress he’s made. Back to square one, always. I’m showing him this post, already told him about it

  2. I enjoyed this post, thank you for sharing. I share many of these characteristics with you, my sponsor suggested i keep it simple and focus on the major ones in my life today so that i don’t become overwhelmed. I’ve come to believe that I don’t master these characteristics, in some form or another they will always crop up. They are a very deep part of me, so deep I cannot reach them. Since my soul, my character, my heart is the deepest part of my being I have to ask a power greater than myself to remove them. But then I think, What will I become? When the pain of continuing to live the old way is great enough, I will become willing to surrender more completely and my way of living and thinking begin to change, leading ultimately to more freedom. That is what I become, more free. The freedom offered in the 12 steps never ends. The promises say, “If we are painstaking about THIS phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through.”…Then we come to realize we are in a new stage of development and once again if we are painstaking once more, we will be amazed again. Recovery is not easy and not always everything we EXPECTED, however if we “thoroughly follow the path” of those who have gone before us (the steps.) Recovery can be greater than we ever dreamed. We have to be willing to let go of our old ideas (let go absolutely) To be free of our old selves and become the people we were meant to be all along. That can be scary 🙂 It sounds like a good beginning has been made. I know the steps have changed me deeply, obviously with a lot of grace and love from my “higher power” and the people in my recovery circle. Dude I don’t have this thing figured out by any means, and I hope i never do. But to me it looks like you’ve become willing to take an honest look at you’re “dark corners” now all thats left to do is let God as you may understand him to shed some light in your heart. Keep it up brother, and remember Its called “into ACTION” not “into thinking.” Hope you have a happy journey on the road to personal freedom.

    – CB. recovered (for today) heroin addict

    1. Thank you so much for your words. It is astounding to read them and read my thoughts, fears, revelations and hopes echoed in them.
      Good luck with your journey.

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