I have written about time before, about the lies we’re told that it is a great healer (see earlier post HERE) and it came up in virtual conversation again today.
Nothing revolutionary and no change in direction, but that today marks 21 days’ clean living since having fallen off the wagon on a night out in Stellenbosch in April. I was reminded that it takes 21 days to form a new habit, 21 days for new neural pathways to form, and appropriately, I had posed the question in my daily CleanDaze phlog (view HERE).
When it came up again on Facebook, as my phlog-to-network share post, I had two responses, one denying Time as a good healer, and riposting that LOVE is a good healer, with time (now no longer requisite of the capital ‘T’) merely giving us the opportunity to witness the change. The other response also denied Time’s role as healer, but gifted Time with the ability to allow us to see things from a different perspective, wherein we find peace. From THAT we are able to make the healing happen for ourselves.
Two totally different responses, yet, not mutually exclusive. I find accord with both. Love has helped me heal, and heal with forgiveness in me for myself and for the men I loved; men I loved and harmed through my addiction, but men who shoulder accountability in their abusive relationships with me, though neither one can be compared to the other, let’s be straight on that point, at least. For one I hold no lingering feeling; for the other, there is still some ache, some regret, but also, a strong resolve to never allow myself to be used in that fashion, nor to manipulate in that fashion, ever again.
Time, it seems, is a great precipitator of healing, then. It does not heal in or of itself. If you do not sit up, wake up and make that damned healing happen, then time allows you, in its blind mercy, to build a callous over your strife, from which you cannot grow, from which you cannot be free. YOU make that magic happen by yourself, however that will happen – I cannot prescribe – I cannot tell you how to heal, I can barely see the path clear for myself.
But join me, in time we can learn together.
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