The First Child published a new blog entry. In it she said there are those blessed with the capacity to be content, financially, emotionally, relationship-wise, yet they still ask “What If…?” and challenge the stability of this contentedness. Risk it, by asking, by not being certain they are not missing out.
She has a point. We’re so often chasing that impossible ideal, we forget to stop, take stock, and realise we’ve already achieved the things we want, the things we need. The things we want to need.
Modern life and popular culture, and I am sorry to say, the increasingly pervasive pornography (hey – no critique, I enjoy it probably more than you do, so maybe I am NOT sorry to say…) drive us to be discontent with our lives. Our things. The state of our finances, ourselves, our relationships. The look of our partners. The feel of love.
A pithy adage doing the rounds, by way of social media, inures us to want what we have, and implores us, in continued unspoken instruction, to stop yearning for those we don’t already enjoy, own, engage with or have relationships with. It makes sense. I use it often, myself, more so recently, as I take sober stock of my life and find that someone (OK, not someone, ME!) pushed ‘reset’ on my list of material acquisition, on my stock sheet of ‘things’, and I have to start from scratch. It makes you feel good about what you’ve got; it soothes the pain of the things you’ve always believed you’ve deserved, but have somehow, failed to be given, despite your obvious entitlement.
But there’s another consideration. Look, I’m certainly no Grand Master when it comes to relationships, and their intricate machinations, but a strong sentiment I often have – or had – it has been sometime since I allowed myself the luxury and pain of a relationship – is that deciding to stop the search, to stop the ascendant hope and desire for ‘more’ is to settle for ‘less’, to give up on my own sense of worth, to think I am only accorded ‘this’ and no more. Like you’ve climbed almost to the top of Everest, but have decided that, “Thanks, actually I’m quite content with the view from halfway up!” and then turned around and settled down, when a majestic summit awaits you.
Of course, you could die in the attempt to reach it, but isn’t that the point? Isn’t that amazing sense of achievement, of effort, of search rewarded, proof of life? Substantiate to one’s worth, and to the abundance of the universe? Is risk not the hallmark of being human?
Dammit, I know I played it safe, for so long. Too long. So, here I am, your arm chair coach, telling you: “GO FOR IT! Ask that damned question, WHAT IF…?” because yes, what if there is MORE out there?” You’ll never know if you don’t ask, and the beauty of love and relationships is that you can ask together, and you can explore, and discover, together, more about each other.
Sure, you may well find that this is the last person you want to be with, but at least you’ll know, and you can cut, and move on.
Don’t you deserve it? Aren’t you worth the knowledge that YOU, you – this wondrous, amazing YOU is the very best match, the ONLY soulmate for your own soulmate?
I think so.
I’m going to try and follow my own advice.
© Dave Luis 2012. All Rights Reserved.