More and more I am plagued with thoughts of Cris. There was a change in thought, or the tone of thought, however, and I am overwhelmed with the need to protect him from himself, from life, from the pain that the drugs quell, along with accountability and emotional progression. But why? He is not my responsibility, nor was he ever that. And yet the anger about our situation, about his role in it and the fact he blamed – BLAMES – me, wholly, without accepting he had a responsibility too, runs in parallel to that sense, that need to protect him. So, anger, and the desire to protect him, like he is a child, incapable of seeing right from wrong, or for looking after himself – once again I have it wrong. Cris is very much an adult, very much capable of taking care of his most immediate and material needs, and has proven most repetitively that he will do so at the expense of whoever makes it easiest for him. I do not need to be concerned for him, I should never have gone there, in the first place. Hindsight, they say, gives us 20/20 vision – but does that make it better? Nope. Hopefully learning from that will make it better. Hopefully. There’s always hope, isn’t there?
(c) Dave Luis 2012. All Rights Reserved.