There have been a slew of birthdays in the last week, some of whom I have yet to wish, but the one whose birthday stands out more than all the others, including my mum’s, is YOURS, Cris, and it is bitter-sweet that the first time I am able to properly remember your birthday is after our friendship has ended. This is the first time since we met that I was fully aware of your approaching birthday.
Well, even if I had the inclination to call, you’ve changed your numbers, no doubt, as you did when you gave your wife the boot – but then – she never really DID get the message, eh? I did. Took a while, but I have so far honoured your wishes to never contact you again.
Now that I have lost my phone (no, really, despite your balking) on Saturday, I’ve decided to change my number, too – because as strong as I’ve become, and as strong-willed as I can be (read: stubborn) there still remains that damned paradigm, hope. Whatever you may say, however you may shout, whatever sins we both committed and however much you may hate – or even, if you don’t ever think of me again – that blasted hope toils relentlessly. I hate hope and Pandora has much to answer for.
And what if you were to call? Would I be strong enough to resist your charms, your Siren song? I can only pray, daily, that I am.But enough about me…
Here’s to you – what? 43 Years old today? Here’s to you, and your future – may it be a good one, and an honest one, and even, a happy one. You deserve it. You don’t deserve the solitude and loneliness you seemed to clamour for so unrelentingly the last few months we shared a drug-den masquerading as a house. I hope you’ve moved – it was too depressing, that home, and what we did to it.
I wish you only the very best, I wish you everlasting peace and happiness and I wish you love, wherever you may find it, but most of all, I wish you release from the drugs, and rather, in their stead, I wish you all the beauty and craft and music that life has to offer.
With many fond memories, for this moment, breaking free of the anger, and the sadness.
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