I Want You – I Did And I DO! (but I won’t…)

Tonight I am in my safe place, here at the Mxit offices, and though I did not come to the offices out of any great need to escape the insatiable need to buy drugs, that need has presented itself tonight in a most horrible, hungry, soul-devouring and churning fashion. No, that’s wrong, and it’s wrong of me to be so melodramatic about it. Soul-devouring and churning? Those days are past, and getting more distant as time builds an eloquent and effective barrier between them and me, in the ever-changing now.
I am struggling, but not overtly so, I am just a little tired and it’s times like these when the demons I fed so well come knocking.
I mentioned the power of lyrics in an earlier post and it is something Jane used to great effect in her comment posting in February this year. Sometimes the songs aptly describe the mood of the times on drugs, and the pull, and the cause, all in one foot-tappingly, moody rhythm and chant.
Here’s one such song, that describes my mood tonight so, so well, and the moods of many nights – dammit, of many YEARS when I was a drug-addled fool. Note that the “you” that Dean sings about here is, for me, very clearly and desirably, crystal meth:   
Dean Coleman featuring DCLA: I Want You (Sultan & Ned Shepard Remix)
I want you,
Down on the street,
My feet repeat the simple left and right,
Takin me there somewhere dont care but im out the night,
Coz yesterday was a broken heart,
Today I picked up what fell apart,
Anywhere dont stare down where but im a view tonight,
Out of the night want something yes its true,
Out of the night want something yes they always do,
Out of the night want something yes they always do,
Out of the night want something yes they do,
I want you,
I want you,
I want you,
All the above in love out of there, just nothing to say,
Wouldnt care I don’t why you don’t try anymore anyway,
Yet somethings they were never meant to last yeah,
those same things they go by so fast,
They don’t, this life could be longer they could not say
Out of the night want something yes its true,
Out of the night want something yes they always do,
Out of the night want something yes they do,
Out of the night want something I want you,
I want you,
I want you,
I did and I do,

© healing.me 2012. All Rights Reserved.
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