Focal Point

Stop and smell the roses…or see the abstract sunset?
I am finding it hard to concentrate on one thing at a time, lately, though I am relieved that this is no longer due to a dopamine rush and immense exhaustion, because of a load of crystal meth.
It’s more to do with the fact that my head is spinning with all the things I want to write about, all the projects I am busy with at work, the documentary we are making of my years of abuse, the music – the incredible music that is being scored to go along with it – and the amazing place I find myself living in.
I get scared that like a heart that gets too much electricity and which shakes itself into nothingness, ineffectual to the last, that my flood of inspirations and aspirations is going to burn me out. And it’s not like I’m not already infamous for not finishing things. I think I am truly going to have to consider how many projects I have on the go, and surrender some, while others I will need to focus on – really focus!  
This is where I find I need to be the mature adult, the big grown up, and change the years of quitting and running, when the load gets too heavy. Though don’t get me wrong, this is a happy load, but I am feeling the strain of it.
Today I took my first sickie in a long time – my head was pounding, my lungs burning – worn out from a long and intense week that saw me doing far more physical exercise as I walked to and from the train station, twice, daily, and it IS a fair knock, culminating in a walk from the V&A to the central train station in Cape Town on Thursday evening that was about 45 minutes of hard, fast walking, to get the train on time – the LAST train, so no time to ease of the pressure was allowed. When I arrived in Paarl, my legs were chafing in my jeans, and for a few horrific moments I got disoriented and thought the train had turned around. Shoulda known I was getting sick.
But the rest has been good, and though I still feel some terror at the influx of information, and wish that I could read six tabs in this browser at once, I feel that a bit of control is being wrought from the Universe and put in my hands.
Easy does it.
©Dave Luis 2012. All Rights Reserved.
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