Day #111 – On The Beach

Saturday
2012/08/04
Sunset on Strand Beach. It’s been 111 days since I last took drugs, and I’m proud at how far I’ve come, how hard I’ve worked, how much I’ve achieved.
I’m also working damned hard to extricate the real Cris from the Cris who pandered to my love, in exchange for favour, money and drugs. I’m putting it out to the Universe that I will let go of Cris, completely, in this lifetime, quietly confident we had a journey to take together, to learn, and to teach each other. I’m also man enough, now, to explore my vulnerability here…I loved him, loved him more than the life I had, then – but could I love him more than the life I have now? He held such power over me, and he used that to his advantage. That made me angry. That made me strong enough to get over the anger. He used me, and I used him – we lied to each other to get what we wanted out of each other, and that made me sad, and that made me accept the new life willingly, without him, and is helping me let go of the anger, the resentment and truly start to feel that I am not insincere when I say I wish Cris all the best, for the future, and I wish him all the healing he needs, and deserves, and all the peace and love that I have found, and more.
I love you, Cris, wherever you are, and I forgive myself, for what happened between us. I don’t need your forgiveness, and you don’t need mine, for your sins.
We’ll meet in time, I know that, because you keep coming to me in my dreams, and one day, your anger will subside, you will see the journey for what it is, and accept accountability for what you did wrong, like I have, and you will know peace.
It may not be this lifetime that we meet again as friends, but our souls shared a journey before this lifetime, and I sense a union of friendship in the far future.
You take this time to heal, and to understand, my friend.
(c) Dave Luis 2012. All Rights Reserved.
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