Day #211 – Reclusive Hooks.

“…I remember you…”

Sunday
2012/11/11

Sunday. Traditionally the day I have hated for a long time. Ever since I was a child. I remember those days… and I remember…I remember that today is the Day of Remembrance. All those who have fallen in the great wars.

There is another great war, at play, within ourselves, all of us recovering addicts, and those still suffering the addiction. So, in a quiet moment of reflection in the bath, I remember those who lost their lives drugs.

Matthew.  Heart failure on the beach.
Bradley.  Car accident on the way home.
Gareth. Murdered.
Johan. Murdered.
Lindon. Overdose.

There are more, but I cannot remember their names. How is it that people who shared such profound thoughts and experiences while we were wasted on drugs are now just shifting shadows in the lost memories? I have lived a life full of experience and emotion and feelings and thoughts and to think that I may just be the shifting, forgotten noise in someone’s pile of regrets… hurts.

So, Bradley and Matthew and Gareth and Johan and Lindon – if no one else does, I will remember you, here. You were so much more than an epitaph, and yet, for some who read this, that’s all you’ll ever be. I will remember the jokes, and the singing, and the laughter, and the moments when we could just sit quietly, in the fug, and share a moment when the music was just right, and the world was shut out. I remember your eyes, and I remember your smiles and I remember that you were people who had emotions, who laughed, and who cried, and who felt pain, and who mattered, and it’s important to record these, because otherwise the drugs win, and your lives didn’t matter.

They DID matter, to me, and to everyone who loved you. I am sorry, that you paid the price, and that your families paid the price.

I am not sorry I shared some of my life with you.

You are all missed. You are all loved.

© Dave Luis 2012. All Rights Reserved.

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3 Comments

  1. I have often said that dying alone is the worst possible fate and now I stand under correction. The worst would be to be forgotten by all, to be forgotten by people you surrounded yourself with, shared soo much with and then for it to mean nothing.Suppose it's human nature really, the death doesn't affect us directly well not as a relative or somebody close. Even that fades over time I've come to realize. We are far too busy living to remember the dead, why would we bother ourselves with such forbid thought, with a reminder that life ends as we know it. So I really think this is awesome, a little corner of the cyber world reseverd forever with these names. To assert that these people actually meant something to you, were part of your life and in those times the great moment shared remembered forever. Very little is taken away with us in death for those left behind, memories are all we have and they shouldn't only be there when we need the comfort of them. People lives should be celebrated, nothing is all bad, the smallest good is worth remembering. Their acts or lifestyles can be remembered less but their personalities, spirit, laughter, and tears should be vivid as yesterday. For then I believe you have lived a life worth mentioning about, if once you leave all behind people still fondly remember you and speak your name to others…

  2. This is all true. And like a friend who passed away last week, quietly, in a corner of the doctor's waiting room without anyone noticing, she will be remembered too – not for the silent and sorry way in which she passed, but for the fact that she was part of a family, a group friends and colleagues, and she made us smile, and we loved coming to work to see her. These men in my blog had their failings, sure, but they should not be forgotten, because they were great men, and they touched the loves of many, many people. Their lives were cut short not by the drugs, but by themselves, being slave to the drugs, and getting into situations that ended up costing them their lives because of those drugs. But we will not remember them because of the loss or the senseless ways in which they died, but for the lives they lived – the good and the bad – because we can learn to be human, and forgiving, and we can take the lessons of their lives, and not repeat those. But more importantly we can celebrate the love and the friendship that existed while they were alive. And we can gift them life, by remembering them.

  3. Couldn't agree more, why should somebody be defined by their last moment. What about everything else that made them who they were?? We owe it to our friends and loved one to never forgot all they were. I think as human it's so easy to remember the bad and the way people go outta this world but we cannot remember the last time they made us laugh, made us cry or gave us good or bad advice. I fondly remember profound people in my life who have passed on. Lingering on the memories most of the positive but like you said also the negative for in their mistakes or failing I can correct my own. Vowing to not repeat their mistakes which they had to pay the ultimate price for.

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