Today was filled with goodbyes, at the office. It was hard to do, to say goodbye to colleagues who have become friends over these past eight months – but I was determined to FEEL the pain of separation, because this is what life is about – FEELING – even when it hurts. I wrote about it on CleanDaze. Sometimes emotions are not good ones, but feeling these makes feeling good ones feel good. I know…that’s a very simple, childish way of saying it, but it’s true. Pure and simple, and doesn’t need to be put into any lofty language.
Tonight, at NA, we said goodbye to two of our group members, who have been in recovery for eight weeks and are going home to their families in Holland. Sad as it was to see them go, it felt great to watch them release themselves into the world again, ready to meet life on life’s terms.
The good goodbyes tonight didn’t negate the painful ones of this morning, but they put balance in, and that was the first time that I have experienced that on such a positive note. I finally get it – balance is what I was trying to do with the drugs, for so many years. Balance is what I was looking for, when I snorted line after line of cocaine, trying to kill emotions that were uncomfortable or painful.
These revelations are my new highs.
© Dave Luis 2012. All Rights Reserved.