Day #252 – Enjoy The Silence…WTF?!

Drown out the silence at all costs. Sanity depend on it.
Drown out the silence at all costs. Sanity depend on it.

Saturday
2012/12/22

Of the sweet irony! On of my all-time favourite songs is ‘Enjoy The Silence’, by Depeche Mode. It is a simple pleasure I cannot enjoy. I spend my days and nights plugged into music, or movies, or series, or chants – something – anything – to just break out of the silence.

Silence is ‘the bad place’, if you want to get all melodramatic about it, because it’s never pure silence – not for more than a few seconds, before I start hearing the voices. Just the brest of whispers, but there, all the time, and the things they whisper are far pure hell. This …affliction…only started during the last few years of my active drug addiction, and became a huge problem right towards the end, in the heady, mad, selfish days on meth, when I’d sometimes go for weeks with no sleep.

Never mind the damage the drugs did to my mind, there is a ton of damage that happens when you go for prolonged periods without sleep.
My doctor wants me to tough it out, for a year, to be clean from meth and other drugs for a year, before she will even consider prescribing me any sorts of medication to counter these symptoms. I don’t rally want any medication. I’d rather go the rest of my life never taking any other chemical, if I can.

‘They’ say that it takes up to a year for your mind and body to heal itself from the effects of serious addiction. ‘They’ are wrong, because I’ve also heard it takes seven years for lungs to repair themselves when you quit smoking. I never smoked cigarettes, other than as a delivery mechanism for cocaine, when my nose was too fucked up to snort it, and of course I smoked stupid amounts of meth, for a few years. I don’t think that on April 17, 2013, my mind will magically stop these voices, because although they are not so loud and vicious, they are still there. Maybe they will be gone, one day, but I don’t see it. Not anytime soon.

© Dave Luis 2012. All Rights Reserved.

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