Day #268 – Life of the Party?

Monday

2013/01/07

Mariska’s birthday, at The Big Easy, in Stellenbosch, was a wonderful sunset affair, and the birthday girl was surrounded by a plethora of friends and colleagues. I know she must have been worried in case I opened my big mouth and told another crude story, another lewd joke, so I made the effort to not offend her or her friends with my vicious word play – and I was rewarded when Captain Pete did the dirty joke telling for me!

But it got me thinking about how often I’ve played the fool, come the jester – to get a few laughs, to get the (feigned dis)approval – so many times over the years I’ve promised myself that I won’t steal the spotlight, won’t erupt in a string of filthy jokes and one-liners. I used to love the attention that behaviour got me, still do – but I see it for what it is now – fleeting, shallow, applause for the façade – and it hurts. Yet I still do it. Rather let them laugh at who they think I am, then let them in and laugh at who I really am…the insecurities are rife.  Drugs killed that. Drugs meant I didn’t give a fuck what you thought. Or at least, I tried not to give a fuck…didn’t always work…so more drugs were called for…and so it went.

But this evening, I moderated my selfish needs, and shared stories; cajoled some out of Captain Pete, as he worried about getting home in time to not make his wife angry. I had a good time. They’re good people, Pete and Mariska. And spending time with them in a real-life social setting..yes…I want more of this, and I am prepared to surrender the spotlight, to get it.

Celebrating Mariska's birthday with Captain  Pete...real life, real good.
Celebrating Mariska’s birthday with Captain Pete…real life, real good.

© Dave Luis 2013. All Rights Reserved.

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4 Comments

  1. You know something Dave you have no need to be insecure about what people will find on the inside. I’m guilty of this too and boy oh boy it is easier to give advice than to apply to self… From what I’ve seen thus far, the jester, joker is awesome yes but the person behind that even more so. Its more real, more of a “person” than people can relate too. Its amazing just how many people do this though, its just easier and being in the spotlight you control the way of things. So you can steer things away from you, give focus to that filthy sex joke you’ve been saving for just such an occasion, bring forth some humourous tale of old to get the masses laughing. But friends share their journeys and while it may not be drugs, sex or alcohol addiction they share among each other. Laugh together, sharing together and being together. Its a lesson that I too needed reminding off, it’s the thing one misses as you lazy around at home. The interaction, the laughs, the friends….

  2. It’s a damned good lesson…but still, the vulnerable little boy in me, and the freak in me would rather keep the world at bay, with the laughter. It’s a tough ask to let the world in, but slowly does it…

    1. That it is, its easier too for letting the world in means that for some reason sooner or later they have to leave… And that part sucks even worse. But yes can’t rush these things, allowing the world in takes time and is only done when one is ready for it.

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