I forgive myself. It has been a hell of a long road, emotionally, to get to this point. I forgive myself for the things I did, that cost me so much, that hurt my family so much. Forgiveness doesn’t make it all better – but it’s the foundation on which the healing is built.
In a long email, I put it all out there, to Cris – how I just wasn’t ready to engage with him last year, until I’d completed my Step 4 in the Narcotics Anonymous programme, and how I now understood why I couldn’t be angry with him, couldn’t castigate him, and hold a grudge. It was all too much mental effort to do so. We have shared too much that is good, and to let that go, and be destroyed forever, by the addiction, would be a travesty.
This journey is about forgiveness, and healing. I put it out there, to the universe, that I want my friend back – not the drugs, the addiction or the money issues – just my friend. That’s all I need.
Let’s wait and see. If he accepts, what an epic win. If not, then I have lost nothing by putting it out there – I am on a journey to win back my life, and have survived far worse, before.
© Dave Luis 2013. All Rights Reserved.