Game Changer: Observations on the Oscar Pistorius Murder Case

A South African hero.
A South African hero.

Like many South Africans and other aliens, I am inspired by Oscar Pistorious. As a double amputee, he has overcome the odds, challenged the establishment and carved a spectacular career and name for himself. His story is legend.

When the news broke that he had shot to death Reeva Steenkamp, it hit me hard: it couldn’t be true – it had to be wrong – he must have mistaken her for an intruder, surely? Emphatic reactions because Oscar is a national hero, not a murderer. Isn’t he? Well, of course the social media sites have dispensed with due legal process and little else has been talked about, for the past three days. Everyone has an opinion, a judgement and a connection to both Oscar and Reeva.

A fellow Boys High boy...
A fellow Boys High boy…

Oscar went to my old high school, Pretoria Boys High, but we were years apart, and that is my most tenuous link to him – but it felt strong enough a link to drive me to defend the man, to believe firmly that the unfolding story must be wrong, that at the heart of it, Oscar is an innocent man, deserving of sympathy, and of protection and defense…

Especially when the jokes started. As with any tragedy, scandal or major event, the headlines were soon followed by a string of puns, humourous comments and judgement calls. Over the last three days, the flood of jokes and the counter-attack by loyal friends and fans alike has threatened to be bigger than the story itself.

Nick Frost
Nick Frost

Early on Thursday, Nick Frost, a Facebook and Twitter contact, tweeted “Jokes about the Oscar Pistorius situation = immediate unfollow. It’s not fucking funny people.”

This gave me pause for thought. I am an avid follower of Nick’s, and together with him, a colleague of mine, Dax and my brother, George, we are often the first off the mark with the situational jokes, puns and commentary. If a plane goes down, a celebrity scandal erupts or the Springboks get their heads handed to them in a match, you can count on us four to deliver the most foul, insensitive but oh-so-deliciously-punny, irreverent and tasteless jokes, way before anyone else does. For my brother and I it’s a bit of a family pride thing, that we’ll be seeding the humour that will be emailed to us in countless variations in the subsequent weeks after a joke-spawning event. But I felt too sickened by this story to tweet the jokes I was hearing.

Or did I? In conversation with colleagues we swapped a few, with guilty smiles, quickly dismissed. But we did not feed this through to Twitter or Facebook. No, this seemed a step too far, a comment too public for the very private pain that the Pistorius and Steenkamp families are enduring, and being forced to live out in the media spotlight. Is telling a joke about this to another person OK, but tweeting about it not?

The continuing stream of bad jokes and the vociferous reaction to them prompted Meropa Communications CEO Peter Mann to write a lengthy piece, entitled ‘Pissed off by Pistorius tweets‘.  He holds forth on the legal risks and moral self-degradation of thoughtless commentary in unmediated social media. I posted the article to Facebook, with the comment “Read this before delivering your verdict.”

In response to the article, two friends responded with these comments:

  • “All true, but there can be no doubt that he did kill her and that it was no accident. No-one else was in the house and she was shot multiple times. Even if it was an accident (which is impossible imho) he is still guilty of causing someeone’s death. It is high time we stopped making allowances for people who kill others whether with guns, cars or whatever… He may yet be found not guilty (our law does let guilty people off) but that does not mean he is innocent or not responsible for the death. Who cares his reasons, who cares if it was in the heat of passion, he KILLED her and took her away from those who loved her.”


  • “Somebody has already been successfully sued for posts on facebook in this country… facts – he took a life, neighbours heard a commotion at the time of the shooting,previous police calls out for domestic violence, an ex laid charges of assault against him. But it is a possibility that he may very well be found innocent on self-defense grounds. Tis let the court decide that indeed.”

They both have valid points, though the latter proclaims a string of facts which lead us to a contrived assumption that Oscar MUST therefore be guilty – these facts neatly lead one to make this conclusion, but these are not the only facts, and so we are obliged to make no judgement, yet!

Reeva with Oscar, in happier times.
Reeva with Oscar, in happier times.

Peter Mann’s argument, I believe, does not intend to halt the commentary, it intends to stem the vicious attack on both Oscar and Reeva’s character. It’s certainly made me think a lot more about what we feed out via SM through our tweets, updates and blogs.

Nick was MOST clear on this on Thursday morning: jokes = unfollow, and I absolutely got what he was saying. I assume he knew either Oscar or Reeva personally, as his tweets and castigation of tasteless tweets that followed through the course of the day made it clear this was a deeply personal thing for him.

Oscar 2402d8d5af82bafb3013007d_Oscar Pistorius
Breaking down in court…

On Facebook, Tracey-Lee Cohen was also MOST firm on this matter, announcing that she had already unfriended a string of contacts in the wake of their tasteless jokes. She went on to post:

  • “Today we have been shocked by the tragedy of oscar pistorious and his girlfriend. whatever, the outcome, it is a true tragedy. and both families feel loss beyond belief. so instead of us making sick jokes, and imagining what happened for our own entertainment. lets wait. and hold both families in our thoughts and prayers. IMAGINE FOR ONE MINUTE IT WAS YOU, OR YOUR LOVED ONES INVOLVED on both sides. we have become a sick nation and i am not proud today to be South African. grow up people.”

I went to the same school as Oscar, but never met him. I found him inspirational and accessible as a human. Sorry, not “found” – I FIND him inspirational and accessible. And like many heroes that become manufactured celebrities – manufactured by OUR own desire to hold them up as heroes –  this legless hero, ironically, has feet of clay; and he is VERY human, and fallible like all of us.

But here’s the thing – until this point, I have never had any sacred cows in my sense of humour. Yet here I stand, unable and unwilling to feed the steady stream of tasteless jokes and moral aspersions in social media. In conversation, I have crossed the line, and enjoyed the word play being thrown about, but I haven’t fed it onto the public sites. Is there a difference between the two? And I don’t actually know Oscar, so why am I so defensive on his behalf?

I am a hypocrite, with double standards. Just like you, and everybody else who engages in any sort of gallows humour. Usually, cries of “Too soon!” are pure currency, for me, yet in this situation, I’m not willing to cross that line, online.

When the jokes are about people we don’t know or don’t feel any particular affinity for, then it is a case of all’s fair in love and war. On Thursday, the world changed. I don’t want to create some dire puritanical state where discussion and humour that desensitises and brings levity to the brevity (if you’ll pardon the shocking rhyme) is pariah. I usually mock those who deliver scorn for these jokes as ‘over-sensitive’ and ‘so far up their own ass…’ etc. but now I stand on their side of the fence. Why am I so conflicted? So certain the jokes are tasteless and uncalled for, when in other, similar situations I didn’t give a damn who I offended?

Before this tragedy, my sentiments echoed Fry's.
Before today, my sentiments echoed Fry’s.

I don’t have the answers, but all this HAS made me reevaluate my own sense of values in this regard. I used to be a firm proponent of “no sacred cows – the only rule is that word play comes first, sensitivities come second.” This tragedy is a game changer, for me.

Peter Mann’s article pushes beyond personal boundaries, and good taste. It speaks about the defamation inherent in the presumption of intent; and the defamation of character when these tasteless jokes are thrown about so readily on social media sites. It speaks to us being better than that, and then questions the truth of that: are we really better than that? Respectability and decency are not absolutes; they are, instead, subjective values dictated by the governing popular culture, and hotly debated. I am doing just that, here.

So I ask you, before you judge him a murderer – before you post that joke you find so funny – can you look yourself in the eye, in the mirror, and confidently say you know he intended murder; and therefore that your judgement and subsequent joke-telling is fine? Do you not know deep in your soul it is as morally reprehensible as the act itself?

A very human hero, fallen.
A very human hero, fallen.

Oscar may WELL be guilty of murder – or beyond that, premeditated murder, and if that is the case, it is right that he faces the appropriate sanction. There is a still a human being, at the core of this, and human beings who were touched so irrevocably by this tragedy, and there is a story which touches us all, irrevocably.

Too many of these stories, or too much time spent in emotional bondage to this particular story desensitises us: it is too much horror for our very human selves to deal with. That’s where the humour comes in – to act as a coping mechanism. When that black humour goes out into the public sphere, it calls the character of those involved into question beyond the accusation of simple murder.

We live out our roles as judge and jury without any fear of reprisal, or concern for the emotional damage this does, and how it diminishes our own character.

© Dave Luis 2013. All Rights Reserved.


  1. Interesing comment,and you eadily admit that having a “connection’ to Oscar has made you feel differently about the commentary and humour surrounding the case. but in your final section aren’t you somehow conflating humour, commentary and premature judgement? However much in bad taste such humour is; it remains ine of our coping nechanisms to situations we’re battling to understand or come to terms with. You impky that only gaving special insights into the facts gives one the right to joke about it. So you wouldn’t chuckle at an OJ joke, a Hansie joke; a Princess Di joke? Do you truly know the truth of those cases?

    1. No more than I do about this case, but this connection – tenuous as it is, and probably because I am so inspired by Oscar, has made me think about all the times we do (or I do) revel in the joke telling. I am first to admit that the joke telling is a coping mechanism – if you spent any appreciable length of time with me you’ll soon hear seemingly cold and callous jokes about my parents’ deaths – humour is how I deal with it. I’ve never been particularly fussed about the offence this gallows humour has. Oscar’s story has made me think a little more deeply, made me treat the situation with a little more sensitivity. Like I said, I don’t have all the answers…but I DO know this tragedy has changed me.

      1. Deep compassion and empathy based on respect and love makes us worthwhile human beings… separate us from being simply barbarians. Thank You Dave.

      2. Thanks for the comment and feedback. This story has revealed the dark and ugly side of so many of us, but it also gives us a chance to fight that ugliness, and win back some humanity. This is my little bit, towards supporting Oscar and both his and Reeva’s family.

  2. Thanks for the feedback, Sonia. Let’s hope that when the dust settles there is a lot more sense about, because if the social media are anything to go by, there are dark days ahead for all involved.

  3. Shjoe,I have been as angry as he must have been to shoot her.Thank God that I do not own a gun,because I would have been in gail,a long time ago.Anger can make someone loose it,totally,and he is going to be in hell in his own world because of it!He is still a Hero in Atletics he just made the biggest mistake of his life by killing someone,I will never judge him,I’ll rather support him,because his judging himself and wil forever.What ever happens he wil be punished. May God take his soul and safe him,so he can go to heaven one day. I feel sorry for you!

  4. Sanelle, you are very rare person, someone who can express their anger, but not stand in judgement, because that is not our place. Well done for that – it’s a BIG thing that so many of us have to learn. Yes, there is nothing we can say or do to Oscar that he isn’t already saying, feeling and doing to himself, and will, forever more. It is now in God and the justice system’s hands. Let’s just work to not spread callous jokes, cruel judgement and allow the space and time for the truth to come out. Thank you for your comment and feedback!

    1. Thanks,I wil pray for his forture,and remember him for the champion he was and maybe will be again,even if it’s just in his own life.He made a big mistake and after the Judge rules his life,God is the only one who can safe his soul,and make him a better human being! RIP Oscar,even if I’ts only for now,you wil see the light and you will get there some day!

  5. WOW, I am really touched. in more ways than I could describe. Thank you Dave for this article, it’s really beautiful and SO SO true. Its sad that people will just judge and say/do bad things like making jokes of Oscar and the situation. And all that he needs is so much love and prayers instead of opinions of what we think it is or isn’t, and sympathy for what both families are going through. Because in the end, God gives His GRACE and Love, for all of us (NO MATTER WHAT WE DO) and that is more than enough. I know that God will keep him safe and be with him in every moment. He is still such an incredible and humble guy. And human. Much love x

    1. Thanks Larissa, this feedback lets me know that it has been right to question how we conduct ourselves online, it is just so so sad that it took such a tragedy for me to look at how I do it. Prayers and positive thoughts going out to Oscar and both families – we can’t bring Reeva back, but we can help heal, with what we say, think and feel.

    1. Hi Courtney! Thanks so much for the great feedback. Let’s hope that more sensibility prevails over the coming weeks and months as this story develops.

  6. As a fellow old boy, i understand that connection and want to defend the fellow, and like you i probably popped the first joke – it was only when i started to see the jokes on facebook that common sense prevailed – what the hell must the families be going through – then i remembered that I too once was in the spotlight for something similar, outcast by friends after our pictures appeared on the front cover of all the newspapers – thanks for the eye opener. Its a sad world we live in, unfortunately humour is all we have to get through the day.

    1. Hi Ivan, good to get a fellow old boy in on this. Yeah, it’s a horrific way to be called to our senses – and that is a sign of how we’ve been desensitised to words that flood in every day. Yup, humour is how we deal with it – I’m especially fond of using humour to make a shitty world a little less shitty, but as with everything, I have found within myself there is a line I cannot cross, because we have ALREADY gone too far…

      1. I think,the whole world is wondering what is going to happen tomorrow,will Oscar get’s bail,or won’t he! Even I am on my nerves for him,because he’s going to get the ruling or one of the rulings that’s going to plan his future for him! I have also see and hear a lot of francois hougaards name connected to the shooting,and suddenly he is the Hero of the day,for sending a sms to tick of oscar and made hom kill Reeva,one sms or one phone call,realy how angry could that have made Oscar,it must have been the final straw and I am not picking sides but obviously Oscar’s insecurity’s got the better of him the night of the killing!Being famous,weither a athlete or model,the end is usualy not very happy!Beauty and fame is just on the outside,but on the inside there are usualy a dark very dark side that surface oneday when no one expected it to!So be yourself ugly and slow with no secrets and lies! I’ll pray for you and may the judge have mercy on you!

    1. Hi Danielle, thanks for reading and commenting. Yup, behind the carefully crafted PR machine and public persona, are two humans, changed forever, along with us, who watch.

  7. I dont care how callous and cold and unjust you or anyone thinks my comments and jokes are about this individual. The same individual who did not think about how callous it would be to Kill his girlfriend…. no wait friend….. no wait not his friend either, just some beautiful girl that he disregarded as nothing but was everything to so many other people!
    I hope he NEVER finds peace with this i hope it haunts his every second awake or asleep. I went to the same school as this WOLF in sheep’s clothing, and am embarrassed to say so. This is not what you learn at PBHS, this goes against everything PBHS stands for. This little spoilt creep for all the good he has done i just wonder if it was in knowing the praise and status or reward he would ultimately get been the biggest reason for making sure he was seen to be doing “good”.

    The saddest thing about all this is the Double standared you are all playing as soon as / Julias/ Zuma/ Selebie are in the spotlight you are all ok with the jokes been thrown around? News flash neither of these men have been as callous and brutal as your “double amputee” I can only hope the full weight of the law is thrown at him…. “not wanting him to walk away from this one!!! “

    1. Hey Miles, the whole point of this was to question the jokes that come after these tragedies. Like I said, before this, yes, there were no sacred cows, and no, Oscar is not going to walk away from this one. Whether or not you have an axe to grind with the man or not is your own issue, and yours alone.

    2. You f@!#% go Miles. Enough Said, “Oscar to ring de bell next time. He won’t have a leg to stand on in court.” When when people around us and around the globe gets mercilessly killed and it doesn’t affect us then dark humour is all fine. But when it’s one of their own, then it’s a tragedy. Like they say when it’s an muslim blowing himself up then he’s a terrorist. When it’s a white man mowing down toddlers in school then his mental. F@#$% your double standards Dave.

      1. And so the misery continues. Yes, fuck my double standards, person too afraid to reveal their name. I have publically confessed to them, and questioned them, myself? What great thing have you revealed here? Have you outed me as bigot? No, I did that. Have you intelligently laid down your argument and the reasoning behind it? No. You have regurgitated Miles’ thoughts, which are echoes of all of ours. Well done for taking a stand and questioning yourself. Oh no wait, you haven’t – you remain protected and anonymous, safe in your little cell of preconceived notions of how right you are, how just you are, and how your hatred that streams out daily is justified because the world is a shitty place. Newsflash, T-Shirt of The Week – the point of this entire blog was to question our vicious attacks on people in social media; it was my confession to questioning the moral justification of it all; and how I’ve never considered it before. Miles put forth his case, he read up on the affidavit and expressed his very valid opinion. Your social media vomit is not the brave and eloquent personal stand that you think it is. But…of are still entitled to it. It’s yours. So own it.

  8. Thanks Dave – let us not be the judge – What we think or say reflect our own morality … “Laat ons nie oordeel nie want met die oordeel waarmee jy oordeel sal jy geoordeel word” ?

    1. Thanks Liesbeth. The whole thing has made me rethink so much. Like Miles said, when other public figures fail, we don’t hold back on judgement or jokes, so why is this different? He has a point, and that falls in line with what I said here…this whole tragic story has made me think of all the times we deliver judgement without another thought.

  9. Very interesting article. My comment on Miles’ post….it is this VERY attitude that has irritated me to the core. Until you have been in a situation like this, do not judge. I was on the opposite end of the coin, I fought for my life and let me tell you if I had a gun that night, I too would be where Oscar is today.

    1. As much as I didn’t like what Miles had to say, he, too is entitled to his opinion. More and more I am thinking that what we put out there is not so much an indictment on the people at question, as much as it is about ourselves.

    2. Listen J, Oscar was not fighting for his Life he was killing another life!! there is a difference. Who says i have not been in any incident such as this??? With the available use of a gun, attacked by 3 men over a dispute/disagreement yet i still never ever reached for the Gun or Steering lock !!! I am glad you did not have that gun that night as you probably would have to been to quick to use it. How do you grab your gun and go shoot through a closed bathroom door…WITHOUT noticing that your girlfriend is not next to you 30cm away. How do you not check that she is safe or atleast not by the intruder? Please stop walking around with emotionally biased blinkers on!

    3. Listen J, Oscar was not fighting for his Life he was killing another life!! there is a difference.
      Who says i have not been in any incident such as this??? With the available use of a gun, attacked by 3 men over a dispute/disagreement yet i still never ever reached for the Gun or Steering lock !!! I am glad you did not have that gun that night as you probably would have to been to quick to use it. How do you grab your gun and go shoot through a closed bathroom door…WITHOUT noticing that your girlfriend is not next to you 30cm away. How do you not check that she is safe or atleast not by the intruder? Please stop walking around with emotionally biased blinkers on!

  10. Hansie cured me of this “problem”. I admire many people from many different walks of life but no longer elevate anyone to the position of demi-god. And I think that is what has happened here. People feel betrayed and are not sure how to feel about that. When we realise that all these “hero’s” are just people like you and me then we will be a long way to stop feeling the guilt about making a joke about it. I have often said that it is obsene that these kind of people get paid the money they do and get the adoration they do for being really good at hitting a ball or running really fast. Is that really a skill worth celebration so massively?? What about our scientists or reasearchers or physicists? What really gets my goat though is the out pouring of emotion for Oscar but nary a word about Reeva!?!?

  11. Hi Charles, agreed – the money they get paid IS obscene, and it is more about presence in the media than about their skill. And it is absolutely contrived, and constructed by us, for us. Why don’t scientists and researchers get paid as much (I believe they should) – it is because we don’t sit watching them on TV, cheering for each new discovery. There is an emotive connect in a sports star or a celeb, and that is what brands trade on, and therefore pay these people so much for. As for the outpouring of emotion for Oscar vs. Reeva, I assume you mean in my blog: there is a deep sense of sympathy for Reeva, as well as for her and Oscar’s family, but again, my connection was to Oscar – a very tenuous connection. In fact before this tragedy, I had never heard her name before. I am sorry she lost her life; I feel awful about it – just as I do the same for Anene, and the man who was gang raped by six men before this Oscar/Reeva tragedy happened – but none of these are the subject of this blog. Thanks for commenting – keep coming back, I value the thoughts, words and comments (hope I’m brave enough to keep reading through the comments, my Twitter feed was filled with some of the most unholy vile filth I have ever seen, when I seeded this blog though that…)

  12. I think we should all just take a step back. I’ve felt what it felt like waking up and believing you have an intruder in your house and I must say if I had a gun I wouldn’t wait to see who it was.

    There was a similar case approximately two year ago where a father shot his own daughter through the car window, thinking she was a thief. He got a manslaughter charge.

    Do not pin your anger at the world on Oscar. Until we do not know all the fact we can’t judge. If we could, justice systems would not have been put in place and we would still be stoning people in crowds. We fight because we fail to listen and understand someone’s viewpoint. Just be respectful and let live.

    It is so sad not only to have a tragedy like this happen but to see a country fight and crumble. To have fights at dinner tables, because we think our opinions are the only ones that matter. Have your opinions, BUT please stop forcing them down people’s throats.

    Something to look at:

    I’m not trying to convince you, I merely want to state that all this fighting is ridiculous. Believe what you believe and leave others to hold on to what they believe.

      1. Sorry about all the spelling errors 🙂 in the moment thing, I should have probably read before posting

    1. So point 16.6 of OP’s statement “i am acutely aware of violent crime being committed by intruders entering homes with a view to commit crime” But you felt safe enough to sleep with the Sliding door open.

      16.10 I screamed words to the effect for him/them to get out of my House and for Reeva to phone the police” ….If you did this i am sure Reeva would have answered from the Bathroom saying Something along the lines of Oscar WTF???? or said hello i am doing a no2 or something…but wait for it…. no still nothing…she was just ignoring you or your screams of get out of my house.

      comparison 16.8 “I have mobility on my stumps”
      16.12 “I felt traped as my bedroom door was locked and i have limited mobility on my stumps” Contradiction again!

      16.11 You noticed the bathroom window was open? but Everything was pitch black in the room which is why you were unable to see Reeva in the Bed when you retrieved the 9mm

      Why would Reeva have locked the door to the bathroom? why did neighbours call security regarding domestic violence/noise at 01:50?

      1. I assume you’re asking Oscar Pistorius? Since my name is not Oscar, I don’t know. That’s the whole point.

      2. You assume correct, i also ask them to anyone who actually would like to ask them selves the exact same questions as to why there are so many irregularities. As to why most would not have acted in such an irrational manor. You quote the vissagie case yet he could see a intruder in his yard OP could not see anyone yet he opens fire knowing full well that there is someone else in the house. Let us for one second not pretend that is a complete moron who could not of had the possibility of the thought that Reeva was in the house. If he could not see anything the first thing he would have done is call out to Reeva, “Reeva is that you?” or even whispered it to her while retrieving his gun from the Bed where she was sleeping?

  13. OP never said he slept with the sliding doors open- he said he woke up in the middle of the night to go get a fan. Then he closed the sliding door, blinds, curtains, etc. When he got up to do this, Reeva was probably still in bed. He then heard a noise in the bathroom, not realising she had gone to the toilet, and screamed at her (who had gone to the loo while he was getting the fan etc.) to phone the cops. That’s probably why she locked the toilet door, as she heard him panic. That’s also why her bladder is empty, because that’s what she was doing there. I doubt if she ran in there to get away from him, that she’s was relaxed enough amongst threats and gunshots to have a whee?

    1. Wow those are a lot of probables in a situation where most would react completely different. For 1 if you kneeling by the bed to get your gun you are less the 50cm away from Your sleeping partner you would have then said call the police. Oh no wait here comes the defence come back did not want to startle her which would scare the intruders? Oh wait before shooting at the door he does exactly that. Could it possibly be that Reeva went to the loo and OP checked the messages she had been receiving and took the phones to the bathroom to confront her about them? Might explain why 2 phone were on the floor in the bathroom when clearly none of them were used by Pistorius to call for help and not take in there by him after shooting her. So why were they there?

  14. Apparently, most people have not read this, but choose to be swayed by the media. He must be going through absolute despair, and this tradegy in the end, a result of a crime-ridden country…

  15. perhaps Reeva’s bladder was empty because when the 1st shot hit her in the hip – Reeva wet herself?, 3 shots a lot of wet blood, perhaps the shouting the 2 witnesses heard was him saying open the door or the fight before she ran to get away perhaps his shouting -‘ I know you’ve got your phone in there reading the text message ‘?& Reeva locked it for a reason …she wasn’t sitting on the loo but crouched next to it …? all bullets entered the right side -perhaps he shut the sliding door so the neighbours wouldn’t hear the shouting, perhaps her disobeying him by not opening the door incensed him, perhaps in his frustration to break it down – he got angry & got his gun….? this is a good article however this outpouring of grief for Oscar is sickening ! -lastly perhaps the conviction rate in rsa is only 6% & Reeva will just be added to the 2500 woman killed mostly by their partners per year in RSA…perhaps this will be RSA’s OJ ?

    1. The comparisons to OJ are already being drawn. You have a lot of perhapses in your argument, and these allow for a very different version. You’re sickened by the outpouring of grief, yet the desecration of both Reeva and Oscar’s character by people like all of us in the media and on social media is fine, in your eyes? Innocent until proven guilty mean anything to you? 2500 women are killed in SA every year. Bur 6 times that amount of men are killed. Don’t use statistics to wage an emotional manipulation here, in order to hang Oscar.

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