Identity

There is a place I go. I’d like to tell you about it, but many friends have talked long, and earnestly to me about overshare on social media.

“People can handle a lot” they say “people can deal with the story of addiction recovery…but they don’t understand this. Keep it off your blog.”

So a beautiful piece of writing will remain hidden, and private. Because you can’t handle the truth of being human, and when being human sometimes means putting your human identity on hold.

“We cease to exist when we denounce our identity….” a very wise friend texted me, today. Her concern is not for what I write in my blog, but for the things I do that necessitated that blog piece that you will never read.

There is a place I go, where I have to stop being human, in order to engage. It is cold and emotionless and fueled by a hunger that seems endless and all-consuming, and I thought if I could write about it, you could tell me how YOU deal with these feelings…but I can’t. I can’t write about it and tell you all about the…things I see.

My friend is right, about identity. I have no identity in this place that I go to; I do not exist there. I lock out every human emotion; I shun my name and the names of everyone I encounter.

I’d explain more, but I think I’ve already said too much.

© Dave Luis 2014. All Rights Reserved.

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4 Comments

    1. Thanks Trish. It’s difficult after more than 30 months of a very public journey to hold somethings back. I understand why I have to, but it feels odd, somehow.

  1. A lecturer once told us – that information is one of those things that you cannot get back once its out there. That you cannot control how people use it or how they understand it or what they chose to do with it.

    I really feel this is an internal story of soul which should be shared, if so desired with friends/in person – this will in no way enhance the “stranger” or “acquaintance” reader but will help friend understand Dave, the man behind this blog, the real man, the person, the human. Less the sugar-coat and give answers and questions and challenge where needed.

    Try not think of it as holding back, think of it as a private viewing for a less audience. An intimate engagement…. A relation of soul to soul and not soul to audience.

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