Dear John…

The memories of you are more real than our relationship ever was…

I’ve met someone new, Cris, so this is goodbye, officially, forever.

I wish you would stop invading my thoughts, but late at night or in the quiet moments during the day – there you are, unbidden.

It’s over, Cris, and we both know it – this farce of a friendship that lasted more years than it should have – so why won’t the memory of you go away? Our real selves know it’s over – we’ve both moved on. You never call or email, nor do I ever want you to. I have erased and blocked all the contact numbers and email addresses I had for you; I will never seek you out again. So why won’t the thought of you dissolve into the nothingness and the past?

The ’90s have a lot to answer for. I should never have spoken to you, that night at the club. I was so wasted, for Christ’s sake – I thought your music was pouring out the speakers and onto the floor – I was in no position to be talking to strangers. I blame the drugs, really.

We were never really friends. We manipulated each other – used each other – to get what we wanted from each other. For you it was money and drugs; for me friendship and your body. We lied to each other, used and abused each other – I treated you like a whore, and you behaved like one, and took everything from me. So why are my thoughts and dreams littered with a sickly-sweet memory of you, as fake and unreal as our relationship was?

I’ve met someone new, Cris, someone beautiful, and authentic – someone I want to invest myself and my new life in. It may not work out, Cris, because real life has many challenges that he and I are both dealing with, but I am taking it day by day, working it out and learning what a real friendship is. I’m changing, for the better. I’m changing into someone who wants real love and who wants to give real love in return.

I’ve met someone new, Cris, did you hear me? I’ve met someone new – so this is goodbye, officially, forever. You are not welcome here, nor have you been, for more than two years. So, please take this fake memory of the you that never was and can never be, and get the fuck out of my mind.

I’m ready to start a real family, built on trust and love and honesty and sobriety.

I’m ready to let you go, Cris.

Goodbye. Forever.

© Dave Luis 2014. All Rights Reserved.

Advertisements

6 Comments

    1. Right?! I feel this one really needed to be said. I broke contact in May already, without a word. Every now and then thoughts of him creep into my head. This needed to be said. The ‘friendship’ needed to be identified for the cold manipulation and con that it was.

  1. Why or why is it so hard to let go of relationships that are mentally, physically and emotionally destructive. We know we should, we know there is no future and we know we are torturing ourselves. As Cath says, when we finally do it is so liberating. Be strong.

    1. This was a ‘friendship’ of 18 years with many blurred lines and few boundaries – the momentum of it will roll on for a while, still. I have to go through the various stages of letting go. I’m currently at ‘Anger’…!

  2. Big hugs my beautiful friend. You are a brave, incredible man and you have a wonderful life ahead of you. Love you Davie! XXX

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s