I have cleaned the dishes. I have done the shopping. There are blogs to write, but I can do that at 3:15am as usual. I have had scones, and contemplated the sentimental childhood memories they conjured up. I have considered the very personal blog post that is coming up next week, and I have been a little weepy at the thought of it (but emotions are good, even weepy ones; it’s a sign my therapist is doing her job) – so I am lying on the bed, dozing to the sounds of a horror movie. I feel good. Exhausted, calmer, good. Being a self-sufficient adult takes work. Serenity is not the same as boredom. I almost see the point of boredom as the pinnacle of desirable human conditions – a sort of contented self-reliance, as opposed to a disconnected apathy, which is neither boredom, nor serenity, but a state of slow discontent. You see – it is these endless rambling thoughts that unsettle me all the time – the words flowing ceaselessly all the hours of the day – imagine an hour – just sixty consecutive minutes, where the words and the internal voices and mutterings are silent.
THAT would be heaven. Absolute stillness.
© Dave Luis 2015. All Rights Reserved.