We miss you. I miss you. I miss your hugs and your smile and the way you made the world disappear so I didn’t have to think or feel or be anything other than loved.
But you’re gone now, and I have had to learn how to grow up and look after myself.
That’s a difficult thing, at age 41. When you were my age now, you had been married for many years and had four kids.
Your childhood forced you to grow up and be a responsible adult much earlier in life than you should have had to. You wanted a different life for your kids, for me. And so I got a life where I didn’t have to grow up and face adult responsibilities and the harshness of reality.
It didn’t really work out, even with your best intentions. Even with all your best love.
I’m fixing that, now. And I understand everything so much better. Some days are tough, and that’s when I really miss your ability to hold the world at bay. But I realise now that you can’t do that. You can’t hide from the world, from being an adult – from taking responsibility and dealing with life. Because THAT’S what makes life easier, and worth living. And I wish we had have both known that, earlier in life.
I think we both deserved that.
Love you, mum.
© Dave Luis 2015. All Rights Reserved.