Day #2: Is Food Rage A Thing?

Today was hell. 

I’ve set a budget of R100 per day so that fast food is off the menu. Thing is, I had a lamb shank on Sunday, which was s’posed to give leftovers for lunch today. 

That didn’t happen – and the shank cost R160 – so that left R40 for food, plus whatever food was at home (there’s more than enough at home, trust me…)

Lunch at the office was four bananas, a punnet of salad tomatoes and a litre of still mineral water. All good. I actually didn’t feel hungry as I left work to drive the 50km home. 

I planned to make a small pasta at home, but as I drew close to the strip malls where fast food dealers peddle their devastating wares, the inner voice made itself heard. 

In the end – a compromise: I bought just one meal – a lasagne, with a small garlic bread on the side. Just a single portion. No sugary, carbonated cold drink. No extra portions for “later on, I swear” (only we all know that’s never true…)

I felt happy with this compromise. No, not happy – satisfied. I can work with this. 

Except as I sat there, waiting for my minuscule order, the smells wafting from the pizzeria overwhelmed me completely. Rich, warm baked cheese. Crisp, fresh dough. The tang of garlic and the hint of chillies and pepper. Bacon! I could detect sheets of bacon, crisping in the oven!

FRENZY! Food! Eat! More! Have! Now! 

These words and more, unintelligible cravings clawed at the inside of my skull. I sat there, unmoving. No twitching. No outward sign of the starving monster raging inside. 

I watched the other patrons waiting for their orders. Sitting there, so calmly. So unaware. So disaffected. “DO YOU EVEN KNOW MY LIFE? DO YOU KNOW WHAT I AM GIVING UP??! And you just SIT there! Uncaring! Unknowing! Fuck you! I hate you! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!”

“Order number eighty-one!” A voice breaks through my inner space.

I take my pathetic, measly meal for one and leave. I have survived. 

Except that there is now only R25 for tomorrow’s budget. That discipline thing? It’s going to need work. A lot of work. 

Day 3, I’m ready. Do your worst. I’m stronger than that. 

Ā© Dave Luis 2015. All Rights Reserved. 

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18 thoughts on “Day #2: Is Food Rage A Thing?

  1. Sad though that the stuff our bods really need are those stuffs that are pricey and so darn inconvenient. Maybe I should open a drive-thru salad bar or grocery store…That could work, right? Good on you, Dave! Small steps turn into giant leaps…You’re living proof.

  2. You avoided the sugary slow killing drink. That was remarkable. Your food rage rant is raw and vivid. How can you write so clearly while fighting the voices? I mean it, you manage to touch a heartstring here. The fact is, you are going to master this and end up stronger and happier. And a new wardrobe is awaiting, right?ā˜ŗ Day by day. Give yourself a star for not eating five burgers today. Go Dave!

  3. Stay with it love. You can do it. Try, just for one second, to stand in the shoes of the person for whom that “pathetic, measly meal for one” is actually a gourmet feast.
    In time you too will come to see it for what it really is: a cooked-by-someone-else tasty meal that’s a once-in-a-while treat!
    YOU CAN AND YOU WILL GET THERE
    šŸ’›šŸ’œšŸ’™

  4. You’ve got through 2 days. That’s a reason to celebrate!
    Maybe phone your order in, so that you don’t have to wait and smell and hear the sounds of the other food going by?

  5. I lol’ed. I sometimes sulk my way through the wait to a Nandos order of salad and chicken breast (TAKE-THE-DARN-SKIN-OFF-ANGELA!!!) thinking thoughts like “that pita sounds amazing” and “PUDDING EATING FRENZEEEEEEEEEEEE”. But just being in Nandos makes me feel pious and healthy (read: guilty). Lately, because finances have dictated it (renovating a house and having the luxury of being able to live elsewhere are not cheap), I am forced to cook more. And my culinary ADD means I HAVE to be creative – add to that wanting to be healthy … I too am on a journey. I have discovered the miracle of cook in sauces, making enough rice/pasta in one go to cover 4 meals and other such wonders of the Super Housewife theme. You can do this Dave. It’s hard at first but IT GETS EASIER. And you learn, slowly but surely, that Woolies ISN’T lying when they say that bulk lasagne feeds four. ā¤ļø

    1. That’s my challenge! Buying a bulk lasagne and then not eating it in one go!
      I can see much more discipline is needed on my side, and that’s fine, I can do it. Last night my midnight feast monster woke me at 12:45 and I wandered into the kitchen to get at the cheese fridge, but I managed to just do a glass of water instead and go back to bed. This is the kind of small victory I will use to master this thing. Every little bit (not eaten) counts. Thanks for the cheers and support. Good luck with your own journey! ā¤ļø

  6. I walked into both Pick n Pay and a DVD store and emerged with only the bag of sugar I had gone to buy so a complete miracle for me but avoiding the temptation is usually a more successful venture for me in food related issues – all the best for your quest which has me impressed and all the rest.

  7. Dave,

    Good luck with the weightloss, I weighed 128.8kg on 1 March this year and started my own programme to change it, I am weighing now 117.6kg and still losing very slowly. And, no it is not banting, LCHF or anything like that. I do an affirmation every morning, eat small portions more regularly, no cheese and exercise! I am slowly but surely working the extra kilo’s off. Good luck, I know you can do it also!

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