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Day 219116.04.2018. Day 2191.

You used to count the hours and the minutes and the seconds measuring out the chasm between now and when you snorted that last line at 6:30am on Sunday 16 April, 2012.

You used to be able to rattle off how many days, weeks, months it had been.

You used to track these things because back then, making it through the day was a battle that when bested was worthy of noting for future inspiration.

But the numbers have become too unwieldy and memories of compulsions, urges, cravings – well, they’ve faded out, mostly.

It’s been six years now, and though you’ve been sober for only a third of the time you spent getting high on cocaine and crystal meth, it’s been so long you can’t remember what it’s like to be that version of yourself, life on pause, lost in the drugs.

It’s been six years. So even writing about it now seems silly. Just let the milestone pass, Dave. No need to do profile picture updates on all your social media accounts. No need for the evocative, emotional blog post. Everyone knows. Well, everyone who matters knows.

Right?

Except…

Remember why you’re doing this, Dave. This isn’t for them. This isn’t for friends, family, other recovering addicts. It’s because of them. It’s because they cared enough when you couldn’t that you’re here to write these words.

It’s for you, Dave. To remind you of those days when the thought of even just six months sober was unimaginable, a Herculean task you were too afraid to consider, so you broke it up into hours. Into days. Months. A year. Then suddenly two.

And now six.

It’s important, Dave, to keep a record, to remind yourself that sobriety doesn’t just happen, and even though you’ve got momentum pushing you forward, faster and faster, complacency and arrogance are constantly teaming up to drop you back into hell.

Just like they did last night, six years ago.

You. Can. Never. Go. Back.

So keep on keeping on, saying the little mantras and working the magic. There’s a world of work still to be done, compulsions and defects to unravel, amends to be made.

Take the glory of this milestone, you’ve earned it. Look back across six years to younger you, sitting there on day #1 – recognize that space – but don’t wallow in it.

You’ve got this. Here’s to the next six.

Well done, me. I’m proud of you.

Day 001

©️ Dave Luis 2018. All Rights Reserved.

12 Comments

  1. You are amazing! Thank you for sharing your story it really does put life into a different perspective, you are a hero, mostly to yourself, but definitely to me. ❤️

    1. Thanks so much, and for the constant support and cheers. As much as I want to stop writing about these moments, I realize that sharing these stories does help and inspire others too – and messages like yours affirm that. Xx

  2. Hi Dave, I have followed you for months on Instagram. Why I started I have no idea. :)) Were you in a wheel chair at one stage? Congratulations on achieving this milestone. I once heard a recovering addict say ” It is great to be able to say I lead a boring life.” in the sense he wasn’t chasing the next fix and enjoying life. Wishing you all the best for the future. Love all the cat photos and getting to see Dubai through your eyes. Take Care.

    1. Hi Pam! Thanks for the kind words of support! Yes, two years ago today, I was in a wheel chair after falling down some stairs. That was a clear message that although my drug addiction was in hand, my compulsion behavior was not – the injury was made far worse by my weight, thanks to my constant overeating as a way to get external joy, contentment and comfort.
      ” It is great to be able to say I lead a boring life.” – yes, this truly resonates! And not even so much from the chasing the next high, but from the chaos of unpaid bills, being disciplined at work, having to escape endless interventions from friends and family. My greatest peace right now is the fact I can put my head down on my pillow at night and sleep. I can look myself in the mirror and truly look myself in the eye.
      This makes it all worth it.
      Thanks so much for the comments and support! Xx

  3. You look happier, healthier, and way more proud and purposeful now. Well done Davey. You’ve done good. Keep going. Onwards and upwards. You are really living your life now. xxx ❤

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