Do you remember when the horizon was a lifetime away, and you would spend all summer long imagining all the things happening at the back of beyond, past the curve of the Earth, where your eyes could not reach?
Do you remember when next week was a lifetime away, and the only important choices you faced were milkshake flavours and TV channels?
Some days I feel the cage tightening, trapped by a horizon at the end of the street and a world so fake and unreal and transient, I feel certain that if I stood still for long enough, everything around me would fade away, fade to nothingness.
I’ve watched, bemused, and hurt, as one friend after another has simply removed me from their life without notice, without drama, each exit shrinking the world that much more. I wonder what I’ve said or done – what I haven’t said or haven’t done – that’s consigned me to the outside, and their past.
Have I been so insular, so isolated, so wrapped up in myself that I didn’t see the warning signs? Did I get so self-involved that these friendships died, suffering a drought of neglect that left them withered, dead, gone?
I s’pose. Won’t be the first time.
Maybe if I reached out more? If I chased more? I don’t know.
Friendships come and go, for whatever reason. Entropy and attrition. Familiarity and contempt. Apathy. Tedium. Select the appropriate.
I’m overthinking again. Jesus.
Just keep on walking. No need to feel. No time to question. No call to mourn.
Sometimes an empty street is just that.
©️ Dave Luis 2020. All Rights Reserved.