Empty streets.

Bloggsymalone Do you remember when the horizon was a lifetime away, and you would spend all summer long imagining all the things happening at the back of beyond, past the curve of the Earth, where your eyes could not reach?

Do you remember when next week was a lifetime away, and the only important choices you faced were milkshake flavours and TV channels?

Some days I feel the cage tightening, trapped by a horizon at the end of the street and a world so fake and unreal and transient, I feel certain that if I stood still for long enough, everything around me would fade away, fade to nothingness.

I’ve watched, bemused, and hurt, as one friend after another has simply removed me from their life without notice, without drama, each exit shrinking the world that much more. I wonder what I’ve said or done – what I haven’t said or haven’t done – that’s consigned me to the outside, and their past.

Hmm.

Have I been so insular, so isolated, so wrapped up in myself that I didn’t see the warning signs? Did I get so self-involved that these friendships died, suffering a drought of neglect that left them withered, dead, gone?

I s’pose. Won’t be the first time.

Maybe if I reached out more? If I chased more? I don’t know.

Friendships come and go, for whatever reason. Entropy and attrition. Familiarity and contempt. Apathy. Tedium. Select the appropriate.

I’m overthinking again. Jesus.

Just keep on walking. No need to feel. No time to question. No call to mourn.

Sometimes an empty street is just that.

©️ Dave Luis 2020. All Rights Reserved.

12 Comments

  1. A reason….or a season 🤗 I so enjoy reading your posts and appreciate the way you articulate the words that for some reason resonate with me……ALL the best for the year ahead….and I wish you happiness in 2020 😍

  2. Such a sad post. I think physical distance plays a role, despite folks’ best intentions. And so many people are caught up in mindless busyness. There may at some point be many acquaintances, but the real ‘there for you, through thick and thin’ friends, are few and far between.

    1. In my first year here, the close acquaintances – those that it is easy to consider friends, mostly fell away. It was harsh but not unexpected – Same thing happened when I moved to London, Gaborone, Cape Town and Jozi. Proximity lost, it takes a lot of momentum to keep contact going.
      This group, though, were super close. The rocks. The support. The cheerleaders who wood always be the first to check in. And I’m not sure if this is a natural attrition, or if somewhere, some how a line has been crossed.
      I am consumed with self-doubt. Do I chase them? Are these relationships not worth fighting for? (Yes!) Do I learn (finally?) to let go; that things have a natural expiration?

      1. I wish there was a simple answer. But I don’t have one. What I have noticed, is that the true friendships don’t need frequent contact. When the contact occurs again, it’s as though there never was a gap.
        Please don’t beat yourself up. I can’t see that it’s anything you might have done. People are just more and more caught up in distraction. Which is a pity, because it has no sustainable value. Hug.

      2. Thanks for that, Clive. It’s a good reminder that sometimes it’s just the turmoil in their lives that closes doors.

  3. I am going to say something extremely extroverted here but I am a shy extrovert and I hate confronting people but I alao know that sometimes you just have to ask. “Why? What have I done?”

    I have asked that question a few times in this year and a half and the answer has pretty much been the same “You left, you are not here and things are just busy”

    On this last visit, some made a gigantic effort, sacrificing very precious time and others made no effort at all. Some, despite all the effort they made were not able to see me anyway. It gave me a very interesting insight into who actually meant the words they said to me.

    I know the hurt of losing friends but this year I have decided that it’s the same as clearing out the “things” that no longer serve me in my physical life. Like the scene from UP where the old man throws out all the furniture so that the house is light enough to fly.

    We were never super close and I may be physically far away but I am a whatsapp chat or a ToTok call away and of course, you are always welcome in my home if you need a European escape from the oppulent fakeness of the UAE 🙂

    1. Thank you for this, Hila. I really get what you’re saying. When I moved to the UAE I was surprised at how many close friends fell away. I made the effort to keep up, but nothing was reciprocated. It was sobering but cathartic. And like you, my visit home polarized that even more.

      One thing I have been grateful for is that you have always kept up, kept in contact, kept in touch, despite my sometimes very slow response times to your messages – so please know I am so aware of your kindness and am very grateful for it. Here’s to us!

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